Saturday night California’s ill-defined (sort-of-all-girl) quasi-solo-project Dum Dum Girls headlined a show at Spaceland. Opening was Pearl Harbor and the Tartans filled in the middle slot. Nursing a beer that cost a bizarre $5.50, I watched from the back as Pearl Harbor put forth their best-but-not-good-enough from the stage. The band consisted of a live bassist, live guitarist, sampler drum/melody machine and a young blonde singer who twirled like Stevie Nicks while singing in the same monotone cutesy vocal drone of Dum Dum Girls and the Vivian Girls without the “Okay-I-guess-this-is-good” fan base the other two have to back it up. It was an out-and-out bore. No flash, no passion, no hooks, and not so much of a wiggle from any of the band members save for the aforementioned twirling.
Second was the Tartans, whose name I’ve only bothered to look up now. I would say this band is contraindicated for anyone who likes things that are good. They had a naïve “let’s pass all the instruments around after every song” stage presence that not only wastes time but exudes the opposite of the confidence of militantly disciplined bands like the Ramones. When I see band members trading instruments between each song, what that says to me is that when a member of the band writes a song it comes with a bratty demand that, “This is my song so I wanna play lead guitar on it.” Everyone knows Dee Dee wrote all the best Ramones songs. Did he ever insist on stealing the mic from Joey and passing the bass off like it was inferior? No. He wrote great songs and let them be sung by the man who could do them the best and played the bass lines like pulsating kings I’d like to fuck if it was somehow possible to make love to a sonic frequency. Lesson learned.
In addition to playing musical chairs, their songs were just plain awful. After the third I walked down the block to the 7/11 and stared at plump Zeppelin-esque hot dogs as they turned ever so slowly inside the greasy weiner warmer. Honestly, that was more entertaining than the band playing inside the club. This 7/11 happened to have a greatest hits CD by thee Midniters on super-saver sale for only $10.99. I bought this and a jalapeño taquito. I ate out of a paper bag and made it back just in time for Dum Dum Girls.
I like the Dum Dum Girls. I own their first record. I listen to it regularly. I would even advise a friend to buy their records if either of the following two things were true:
1. The friend in question has a financial stability that allows them to buy records based purely on the counsel of others and nothing else.
2. The friend in question already favors several other bands that sound exactly like the Dum Dum Girls but, for whatever reason, does not know the Dum Dum Girls exist.
I did not enjoy seeing the Dum Dum Girls live whatsoever. No one in the crowed moved at all. No one on stage moved at all. It was sickening. It was a blogger’s dream. All those little Internet babies could get right up front with their fancy cameras and take all the little pictures they wanted without anybody bumping into them so they could perfectly frame shots of a band whose members stayed so impeccably still. I think rock n’ roll clubs should instate an across-the-board ban on any and all cameras either larger than a cigarette pack or more expensive than a DVD player. Some may argue that blogs are breathing life into rock journalism, but as far as I’m concerned they’re ruining rock shows.
But I digress. The Girls played their wonderful fuzz-pop hooks while flash bulbs flickered and I yawned myself into a coma. I appreciate it if a band even manages to smile while playing live—something that shows they’re even enjoying the show themselves. Nope, sorry, we’re the Dum Dum Girls, and it’s best we stay as stoic as the vocals of the phenomenal Iggy Pop album from which we swiped our name. Sister Midnight is back, and she brings us girls in too-short dresses and black tights, and it was stupid. And I quit. Good night.
P.S. Two girls got in a fist-fight during the second to last song.
—Nicholas Katzban
1 Geoff // Nov 30, 2009 at 4:49 pm
this is a great review!
2 Neolithic Man // Nov 30, 2009 at 10:26 pm
lol is this you?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5inUCedSJ4
3 Vaginal Secretions // Nov 30, 2009 at 11:46 pm
lol smelly!
4 Nicholas Katzban // Dec 1, 2009 at 12:38 am
I love to hear myself talk. I just do. I’m sad. I paid way too much for my beer.
5 you must chill, katzban // Dec 1, 2009 at 12:51 am
did you think you were going to see Van Halen or something? It wasn’t thaat mindfuckingly awful of a show. you paid $10 to see a bunch of amateurs do their shit. if you went into this thinking you were going to get a full-fledged arena rock experience, then it must be because you’re a faithful follower & believer of the hype that surrounds these bands. doesn’t that make you as bad as the blog barnacles you’re shitting all over in the review?
6 Nicholas Katzban // Dec 1, 2009 at 12:58 am
I was hoping to see the ramones.
P.S. I kicked a kitten before the show.
7 you must chill, katzban // Dec 1, 2009 at 1:29 am
what’s your deal with the Ramones anyways? are we supposed to be impressed that you’re into them? wow, this guy’s deep. He knows about the Ramones and Dum Dum Girls. One of those bands has been hyped to shit for the last 30 years, and the other for the last year. Sonically they’re more or less the same band. I’m not even mad at you anymore, I’m mad that L.A. Record would allow someone with such a narrow understanding of today’s music scene and music in general write a review. I’m sure it’s not everyday someone academically intelligent offers to write a cohesive show review for free, but surely they could’ve found someone with a wider range of musical taste to do the job. I think there’s a lot of cool shit you missed on because you were too busy trying to figure out how to pigeonhole each band into your lazy and unimaginative conceptualization of “good music”. Anyways, I’m tired. Fuck you, good night.
8 John // Dec 1, 2009 at 1:38 am
Beers were $2 in the upstairs bar. A cheap beer but perfectly drinkable!
9 Scott // Dec 1, 2009 at 12:20 pm
What John said. Kind of digging the new no smoking policy upstairs too.
10 Michael Stock // Dec 1, 2009 at 12:42 pm
The beauty of the blog and its seemingly endless allure is that any of our minds can now be bespoken in virtual real time and posted in a space as real as the nose you presently press to this screen.
The problem with such immediacy and absolute democracy is that now, virtually any neanderthal can also speak his mind and what’s in that mind can see print. And because there’s so much (virtual) space to fill and, all too often, editors whose only purpose is to press the button labeled “post,” the gig you were sent to review (last Tuesday, last night, two seconds ago) takes a back seat to your truer appetites. Like grease-slicked meat tubes and outright misogyny.
But I digress. And this is a review of your review, Nicholas Katzbahn. This is my right of immediacy, and my writ of mind. And mostly, I guess my point is this: if you want to be critical, first you must learn to write.
So your assignment, should you see fit to rise to the challenge, is this… First. Pick up your dog-eared copy of Lester Bangs’ Psychotic Reactions And Carburetor Dung and read it from cover to cover. Really read it. Don’t just leave it setting out on the coffee table for your friends to see that you do, indeed, own a copy. Second. Try writing about a band that you want to see, not just a gig you want to be seen at. Third. Write your review. But before pressing “post” or relying upon yer editors to do so, re-read what you’ve written. Then re-write what you’ve written. And before you press send, ask yourself this: what are you contributing (to our eyes, to our brains, to our time)? Is it a piece of writing that you feel is good enough that it could eventually be included in a book that might eventually be found on someone else’s coffee table next to the bong? And if it isn’t, take out a pen and a piece of paper and try again.
You remember those, right—pen and paper? Those time-tried tools of the angry and indignant trades, of the press and the hard-pressed, the barfly and private dick alike.
The only catch: neither one comes with a “send” button. And that too, Nicholas Katzbahn, is also my point. Lesson learned? This is a restart.
But I digress.
11 Joan Miró // Dec 1, 2009 at 1:22 pm
If my work exists, it is in a human and living way, with nothing literary or intellectual about it–which is the sign of a stillborn and rotten thing, destined to disappear immediately.
12 collette clittatucci // Dec 1, 2009 at 1:58 pm
my favorite ramones show was when johnny laid on his back and talked about vaginas
13 Complete Idiot // Dec 1, 2009 at 5:18 pm
I love it when a highly opinionated reviewer broadcasts the fact that he or she did not bother to listen to all the acts all the way through.
I find this absolutely charming.
14 nikki // Dec 2, 2009 at 10:14 am
Holy shit people, there’s an e-mail address on this mess of a website, it’s, fortherecord@larecord.com, or some shizz, and if by chance, you write something of note and want the LA Record readers to read it, you can send it in, and if the good editor of LA Record thinks it passes snuff, you too can spout your non-sensical ramblings.
Hey, Katzban, welcome to the two cent asshole bizz.
Also, the last line is funny. And Zeppelin-esque hotdogs?! Come on dirtbags, thats awesome!
15 amber // Dec 2, 2009 at 11:48 am
daaamn y’all are harsh and take things VERY SERIOUSLY. nikki knows what’s up.
nicholas, i like that you go do things and then write about it. if you like that too you should just keep doing it. ’cause when you look up at outer space and you’re like WHOAAAA ::mindblown::, what else can you do but what you like to do? MIGHT AS WELL WRITE A REVIEW FOR LA RECORD right? i mean that in the sincerest of ways, as the author of the “worst review ever” on here ; )
16 Geoff // Dec 2, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Despite the fact that I enjoyed reading Michael’s post and found it quite insightful (no surprise, considering the source), I’m still going with my original statement that this is a good review!
Lester Bangs had a different job than Nicholas Katzbahn does. In the era he was writing, a rock review in a magazine like Rolling Stone was enough to decide whether or not mainstream American even HEARD the bands he was reviewing, much less bought their albums. I suppose it could be argued that there is one outlet (Pitchfork) that still has something resembling that power, but for the most part it’s a completely antiquated structure. Reviews these days (like the album reviews on this very website) come with free mp3s, so you can download the music and hear it yourself as you read – who cares what reviewers say when you can test drive the stuff yourself?
As a critic, Mr. Katzbahn is in a little bit of a pickle as a result. A lot of writers, I think, have given up in the current climate and resigned themselves to merely quoting press releases or writing a short and worthless paragraph that’s like “this is what is happening and when it starts!” Has anyone here seen the “Deli LA” website (http://la.thedelimagazine.com/)? So bland, right!?! It’s got to be one of the biggest wastes of bandwidth I’ve ever seen, yet it is representative of an increasingly common format.
Live reviewers in the current climate must carve for themselves a niche if they want their writing to have any sort of impact at all. Someone that is very successful at this is my buddy Mouse, who runs a blog called Classical Geek Theatre (http://www.classicalgeektheatre.com) and happened also to review this show. To be sure, I disagree with a very good deal of the dude’s musical taste. But he’s created a narrative over the past few years – “Mouse’s life in LA” – and going to his blog is like checking in on him and tasting a bit of his worldview. Maybe it doesn’t influence my musical taste, but it does help give me a picture of what is going on in the city that extends beyond my own narrow perspective.
So back to this website. I really like that LA Record has built up an army of people with divergent tastes and sent them out into the city to do stuff like this. I think that it is befitting of a newspaper with the title that this one has, which implies no agenda other than documentation. And documentation can mean a lot of things to different people – for some reviewers it means describing the sound of each band really really well, for some reviewers it means telling a story of their night, and for some reviewers it might even mean pushing some sort of weird agenda. And this website collects all of those different perspectives, and runs them in a feed on the left side of the page, and if you’re a regular reader you end up with an interesting slice of what’s happening right now. A different reviewer, I’m sure, would have handled this assignment differently and maybe wouldn’t have made the 7-11 trip. No matter. A different reviewer will review a different show tomorrow, and this review will eventually trickle off the front page of this website and be mostly forgotten except by the author, who can giggle with delight that his first review generated so much indignity.
Good writing, like good art, is that which gets a reaction!
And finally – misogyny is rampant in rock criticism, and there are examples of it on this site. But “outright misogyny” in this review? I see no evidence of that, and I’m tired of seeing legitimate criticism get dismissed so easily. Maybe it would make sense if this author has a long history of slaggin’ on female musicians, but he doesn’t seem to and shouldn’t write timidly out of fear that a Stevie Nicks reference is going to invalidate his arguments in hyper-sensitive minds. It seems to me that he was pretty even-handed in criticizing the Tartans (who have a female member but are otherwise male).
17 Shut up, whores // Dec 2, 2009 at 12:52 pm
You dumb sluts should just e-mail Nick about sucking his 711 zeppelin. Maybe we’ll get to read a stellar review of that too.
18 polly // Dec 2, 2009 at 3:48 pm
That was brutal. If he was in a bad mood don’t take it out on the bands. So negative I feel bad for the bands.
19 Nagger Guy // Dec 2, 2009 at 5:53 pm
The problem here is that both the Dum Dum Girls and this review suck. Unfortunately for him, Katzban approached the Dum Dum Girls’ bullshit so flippantly (oh, gee, bloggers like them! Good God!) that he’s no better than the stilted, motionless morons that he claims superiority over.
This whole moan rock movement (Vivians and Dum Dum Girls, et al) is as lifeless as a corpse, but the way to tear it down isn’t to feign disinterest and snark. If Katzban authentically hated any of these bands, he wouldn’t have been at the show in the first place. This whole review reeks of manufactured hate as fake as the bands and fans themselves. Based on this gruel that is ‘writing,’ Katzban could very well be an emotionless slug crawling across a keyboard for all I know.
Good writing, as Geoff posits, is not what elicits a reaction. This bullshit spew I’m writing now will probably rile up more people than the best stories in today’s newspapers. You are not Lester Bangs. You are not Hunter S. Thompson. You are, however, faceless dicks in a sea of mediocre shit. And like a fish in the water, you have no idea that you live your whole lives in this shit. It’s all you know; it’s what you breathe.
And while we’re on the topic of misogyny in rock criticism, now’s as good a time as any to dump some more trash in your driveway: These first-person narratives you’re all so fond of are bullshit. It’s time to quit sucking your college-coddled thumb and grow a brain. First-person live reviews are where actual opinions and original ideas go to die. The only people who use first person are amateurs and untalented women.
20 R.I.P. Eastern Airlines // Dec 2, 2009 at 6:02 pm
How about a wet t-shirt typewriter battle off? Perhaps Katzban drinks enough soy milk to have man tits!
21 nikki // Dec 2, 2009 at 6:08 pm
I’ve never considered Chuck Klosterman an untalented woman before, but I suppose you’re right.
Oh yeah, suck a dick asshole. I guess I’ve entered the special olympics seeing that I’m responding to this internet shit fest and no matter how I play it I’m still a tard, but really, fuck off. How long did it take you to come up with that driveway trash line, anyway?
Also, whore? dumb slut? Who are you people? Albino wiggers masturbating in the cool shadow of your laptops? I write on the internet for money, what’s your excuse?
22 Nagger Guy // Dec 2, 2009 at 6:12 pm
That’s because Klosterman is subhuman.
I get paid to write for actual magazines and newspapers. And I didn’t even have to go to grad school. WOW!
23 Frylock of the Eastern Block // Dec 2, 2009 at 6:15 pm
24 nikki // Dec 2, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Oh actual magazines and newspapers? Me too, smart guy. Grad school? Grow up. Maybe you could benefit from some higher learning, or perhaps you could teach a course, you certainly have sexism down.
Also, Eastern sky frylock: Charlie, if that’s you I swear to god I will drive out to Marina Del Rey or where ever the fuck you live and rip your scrotum out. In the words of the now, certainly ego inflated Katzban, I quit, good night. I eagerly anticipate your limp dick responses.
25 hmmmm // Dec 2, 2009 at 6:45 pm
I dont know about the other bands, but I’ve seen Pearl Harbour first hand and they are indeed talentless!
If that’s mean, sorry, but then I guess it’s also mean for them to get onstage and subject people to their “show”!
26 Rich Daddy // Dec 2, 2009 at 6:47 pm
I just earned $10 bucks off this thread. Ask me how!
27 Dan // Dec 2, 2009 at 7:47 pm
As a former Killradio DJ, I say, “Vibes!” Let’s chill out and enjoy reading a magazine that allows for differing viewpoints on the same bands.
28 Geoff // Dec 2, 2009 at 9:04 pm
How, Rich Daddy?
29 Mark E. Smith // Dec 3, 2009 at 12:08 pm
some people say i’m talentless too, and i’m a genius.
30 hmmmm // Dec 3, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Mark E. no one says you’re talentless, they just say you’re an asshole.
31 Edwina // Dec 3, 2009 at 2:45 pm
PEARL HARBOR BOMBED BY JAPZ
32 Billy // Dec 4, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Actually, they swiped their name from a Talk Talk song. The Iggy Pop song is “Dum Dum Boys.”
33 jason // Dec 5, 2009 at 12:02 am
dum dum girls have got to be the worst band , no wait girls are, what the fuck did you expect , you’re an idiot
34 jason // Dec 5, 2009 at 12:05 am
also this is worse then a vice review, congratulations you are an idiot
35 Bike Messenger // Dec 5, 2009 at 1:23 pm
i like it when people call other people ‘tarded and then use then instead of than
36 eeeeeeeek // Dec 5, 2009 at 2:44 pm
i like when people don’t know the difference between to, too and two…klassik lol shit!
37 Motherfuque // Dec 5, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Wow, this is the most action the LA Record site has seen in probably ever
38 zoo music // Dec 5, 2009 at 7:30 pm
i love the dialogue here! At least 10x more intelligent then the bro fest over at brooklyn vegan that happens everytime they mention dum dum girls.
39 eeeeeeeek // Dec 6, 2009 at 8:27 am
i stopped reading brooklyn vegan long ago
40 Motherfuque // Dec 6, 2009 at 11:32 am
Fuck it, lets make it an even 40
41 Mouse // Dec 9, 2009 at 7:34 pm
That Geoff guy is nuts. Classical Geek Theatre is a hack blog.
42 the cigarette bums // Dec 10, 2009 at 12:58 pm
i heard the dum dum girls wore short skirts and would purposely turn around and flash the audience often throughout the set. is this true?
43 jason // Dec 10, 2009 at 9:23 pm
who cares about grammar you fucking losers.
44 abby // Dec 10, 2009 at 10:46 pm
ok, everyone. let out all the things that bother you on somebody who may or may not suck. About LA Record, have some of you commenters forgotten that this is a “community newspaper” in which members of the non-degree holding community get to go out and review a show from whatever perspective they bring to the table. remember that? Because it’s on the first page of every issue you pick up.
LA Record is not paying anyone to write something in a certain style so that such and such are pleased.
And honestly, this isn’t a publication where you go looking for something sterile. So, ya, you will find first person narrative. Big freaking deal.
It’d be nice for people to stop hating so much and remember that this is a platform for people who don’t get paid and who aren’t necessarily “writers” with a capital stick up their bum, to get a chance and play the game. You’re not reading LA Times, you’re not reading Pitchfork, this is the LA Record. There are some stunning writers here that let freedom and creativity ring. There are some writers here that obviously are amateurs who occasionally submit, you don’t need to point out the obvious.
…or are ya sore that you want to join the club? then send an email to fortherecord@larecord.com. This petty gang-bang is upsetting.
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