Pseudo celebrity gossiper Perez Hilton presented his tour at the Avalon for the final performance. Bursting on to the stage first was Seattle’s own Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head, bedazzled in ironic futuristic garb. Their sound was synth-pop music with knowing nods to American Apparel culture. Songs like “Sophisticated Side Ponytail” and “Beard Lust,” commented on a resurgence of eighties style amongst the tragically hip.

Julian Perretta was up next and clearly had a gaggle of swooning girls in the audience. Intoxicated by his British accent, they wanted nothing more than to touch his curly mass of hair. It was a good set of pop music that will probably be heard in the background of 90210. This Tigerbeat dreamboat had an air of professionalism and will assuredly become a musical sensation for young girls. He finished his performance with “Wonder Why”, which is a well-orchestrated song having qualities relatable to Jamiroquai. This is not a far cry considering he produces songs with members from that band.

“These guys are going to f**k you hard and you’re going to like it”, is how Perez Hilton introduced Semi Precious Weapons. Lead vocalist, Justin Tranter, rushed the stage wearing a skimpy dress and high heels, which didn’t hinder him from doing extreme high kicks and the splits. They were full of frantic energy, with their bassist bashing around and amazingly still slamming the right notes. Semi Precious Weapons looks like glam-rock but sounds of cock rock in Tammy Fay Baker mascara. Tranter’s not afraid to bare all, this was confirmed by doing a complete costume change in the middle of their song “Sticky with Champagne.” The drag vocalist ended the performance running into the crowd, dangling from a balcony, and clobbering the bassist like Hobbes tackles Calvin. Semi Precious Weapons really sold it. I might not buy the album but I would see them live again.

The last two bands were decent. Ladyhawke has a dance music vibe similar to Blondie but didn’t transform it into a new distinctive sound. The music was derivative and she made feeble attempts to engage the crowd by pleading, “Please enjoy this more guys.”  Perez Hilton “cleverly” closed the night with the band Gossip. Beth Ditto gave throaty vocals against a backdrop of disco beats. I enjoyed Ditto’s voice immensely yet I wished her with a rock band instead of a dance driven machine. With a feel good sound, the crowd really responded to them. Overall, the show was a success.  I think the audience was glad Perez Hilton took the time to orchestrate this tour considering he’s very busy drawing genitals on celebrities’ pictures.

—Natalie Cox