Behold! It’s floppy, it’s flexi, it’s free to anyone who wants to wander in to our Gories / Spits / Oh Sees / Kid Congo / Cheap Time / Total Slacker show tonight at Emo’s in Austin and it’s got two-minutes-and-then-some of thee mighty Reigning Sound playing live at Alex’s Bar in your very own Long Beach, California!

Can’t make it? Don’t worry—we will be mailing these to all subscribers and seeding them around select L.A. locations for free, and you can get them from In The Red Records, too! Wanna subscribe? Click here! Flexis for everyone … while they last!

Well, we love Roky Erickson. Can’t explain it, don’t care to anyway. Roky’s rok is the rokinest rok that ever rok-ed, and if you got to wake up, make sure to wake up to rok-n-roll! Anyway—of course this means we want everyone to go see him next week!

Thanks to the beautiful people at Goldenvoice, we got FIVE PAIRS OF TICKETS TO THIS LIFE-REPAIRING COSMIC EVENT! And you can win them!

Roky’s famous for his expertise on freaked-out horror movies—like Creature With The Atom Brain or I Walked With A Zombie, both of which became classic Roky songs.

SO: WANT TO WIN? Email us at rsvp@larecord.com with subject ROKY and a YouTube clip from the most awesome horror movie Roky should write a NEW song about! From Beyond? Island of Malformed Men? At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul? We wanna see some footage that fries the imagination. Most Erickson-esque will win tickets!

You can also buy tickets here or get them at Origami Vinyl, and we will see you on March 1!

FIRST PRIZE: “WHATEVER”

She made this video herself. Not only is that disgusting, it’s creative and independent! All things L.A. RECORD holds dear. Good job, grosso. Enjoy your tickets and your infamy!

SECOND PRIZE: LIANA R.

As with so many things, the music makes it. No idea if these guys are related and how / if that would affect the overall grossness of this. Good job! Enjoy your tickets!

RUNNER UP: DANIEL D.

A strangely tasteful spit video with a great payoff. Well chosen, sir. You didn’t win tickets this time, but you have won a measure of respect.

L.A. RECORD PRESENTS THE SPITS, BLEACHED, CLOROX GIRLS, JOHN WESLEY COLEMAN III AND RAYON BEACH ON FRI., JULY 29, AT BLUE STAR, 2200 E. 15TH ST., DOWNTOWN. 9 PM / $12 / 18+.

FIRST PRIZE – TRAVIS W. with “Rare Experiencer Super-8 Video Footage – UFO, Alien Communication – Stella Lansing”

This has it all—not just video footage of UFOs but severed hands, cranky monks, facial lesions, interdimensional beings imprinting commands on to silent Super-8 footage that sounds like “Did you take out the trash?” plus killer bow-ties, “Rand Molnar,” pulsing future-primitive ’90s hi-tech analysis equipment and for bonus points, we actually saw this when it first aired on FOX’s old TV show SIGHTINGS. Good show, sir. You will be listed +1 at White Fence tonight! May we recommend you check out UFOs: OPERATION TROJAN HORSE for more bizarre stuff like this?

SECOND PRIZE – FAITH C. with “UFO’s Appear Over Phoenix Sandstorm on CNN!”

Somehow the combo of shiny old-school saucers and soothing new-age music and a slowly panning camera and that giant billowing cloud … just works. Sometimes it’s all about a vibe and these aliens know vibe. Our minds are blown … gently. Congratulations, Faith! You will be listed +1 tonight!

RUNNERS UP

STEVEN with “Anasazis ‘UFOs’”

With art by Tim of White Fence! Adorable entry but eclipsed by actual interdimensional beings.

MIKE S. with ‘UFO – Lights Out (1977)”

Another good try with the original UFO. However … when it comes to bands and extraterrestrials, you can’t beat Roky Erickson and the Aliens!

CHRIS J. – “Ufo Video From Turkey Shows Alien Occupants, Part 1.”

Actual aliens? If so, these blurs could change all of human history. Noted for potential.

What’s it like in Kool Keith’s head? Awesome as fuck, but once you come out, the rest of the world is just like a blank gray screen. But whatever, it’s worth it. Since Kool Keith is playing in a matter of MINUTES, we asked our contestants to pick a YouTube to inspire his next album. We got some weird entries, trust us. But first prize—which is TWO TICKETS to the show AND the Critical Beatdown LP—goes to…

FIRST PRIZE: K.R. with “MUD BUTT”

Gotta say, this has tons of Keith-ian potential. Twilight Zone + bodily functions (“doo doo”) is a formula Keith could really explode. A whole album about how food is out to kill you in unexpected ways … and then people try and make you listen to music you don’t wanna hear? That’ll work fine. Congrats, K.R.! You get two tickets AND there will be an LP of Critical Beatdown waiting at the show for you!

SECOND PRIZE: ANTONIO A. with “SEXY WHITE GIRL BOOTY BOUNCE”

We couldn’t say no to this impassioned argument: “No matter what music search I’m doing, YouTube always leads me in the direction of white girls doing booty bouncing videos. I’m pretty sure this concept will be nixed immediately but I had to throw it out there. Affirmative action in the form of White Booty. These girls are flipping the game!” A new twist on a classic? Sure. Enjoy your two free tickets! Pick ‘em up at the door.

RUNNERS UP

Many of these rule yet Keith’s discography encompasses so much … it took some tough calls.But thanks for entering. You will all be on the discount list tonight!

DANA D. “SANDI AND SALLY”

TYSON H. “TRANSFORMERS PIMP”

JONAS W. “HOMER SCRATCHING”

(A Keith Simpsons album could be killer…)

King Tuff is in Detroit recording his new heavy metal record and also posting insanities. From the Glamour Shottes Tuffblog—that’s Conspiracy of Owls’ Bobby Harlow showing off the Mia Doi Todd poster in the new issue. Worlds collide … with love!?

Download: True Widow “Skull Eyes”

True Widow tumbled out from the heart of Texas with a knack for the reverberatory arts. Their ‘stonegaze’ sound, as some call it, sounds a bit like a cool soothing rockslide. Their newest album—the improbably titled As High As the Highest Heavens and from the Center to the Circumference of the Earth—was released on Kemado and they will play the New Weird America Fest this Saturday at Nomad. Win tickets here! They speak to us from deep within a mineshaft somewhere in the land that cellular service forgot. This interview by Matt Dupree.

I know people want to know how you came up with the band name, but I’m not going to ask that. How’d you get the name Slim?
Slim Starks (drums): That’s older than the band name! I used to run around with a guy named Richard, when we were like, 15 or something. This really close friend of mine, who still has this habit of nicknaming everybody, he dubbed us as Rico and Slim. So we ran around as Rico and Slim and it just evolved from that. That was when I started getting into rock music, so everybody that met me knew me as Slim. The same guy that gave me the nickname, we’ve got a screenprinting business that’s been going since ’99. Everybody that’s met me via that’s known me as Slim. It’s just stuck. When we started doing press releases and all that shit for Kemado, it was just one of those things. They all knew me as Slim.
What’s your given name?
Timothy! Yeah, how bout that? But we’re all fans of nicknames. Nicknames are a part of life. We’ve all got ‘em—different nicknames for different situations. Like if I get too drunk, and I’m fin’ to get agro, they call me ‘Slam.’ Nicole’s got an alter-ego named ‘Lala’ when she’s loaded. Dan’s got a few alter-egos, depending on what kind of intake he’s on. Keeps it fresh! And who wants to be calling somebody’s name all the time, anyway? Like, my parents call me that. I collect all sorts of nicknames. My friend from L.A. came to visit me at the print shop I live at—it has the business and everything, it’s all in the same warehouse. I never really go out much when I’m home. They dubbed me the ‘Print Troll.’ So I’ve got that. I’ve got ‘Wizard’ from a few people.
Is that the beard?
The beard, the hair. I don’t know—I like magic!
You guys got a pretty sick write-up in Pitchfork. Did you feel suddenly more legitimate the day afterward?
Hell no! We weren’t expecting anything like that, or at least that kind of attention that fast. But it doesn’t really have any bearing on us either way, man. This is our little pet project. It’s more about what we wanna do and how we feel about shit than how people are responding to it. But fortunately people have been responding to it good, so we’re able to get out and play this shit live and come see you guys!
You’re gonna be playing with some pretty heavy acts. Is that unusual for you?
We’ve been fortunate that we’ve really been able to mix it up. We’ve done heavy shows before—our buddies Saviours, we played with them a few times on some really heavy lineups. And we’ve done shows with MV & EE, who are really mellow stuff. So we’re kinda all over the place. It’s a blessing and a curse as far as that goes. But it’s been really cool, man—we don’t get stuck listening to the same type of opening bands everywhere we go. Seems like everyone who’s putting these shows together has a different idea of what they think would be the best thing for us. It’s been pretty cool to just sit back and see how it plays out, you know? Sometimes people are WAY fuckin’ off, but usually it makes for a good night.
Is that because some people think you’re a drone act that’s slower? And others think you’re more of a shoegaze act with crazy, sludgy riffs?
That’s the sense I get. They go for one or the other—there’s no middle. When we go home we try and mix it up. We’ll have a guy open a show that does old bluegrass—mountain music—and then have a metal band play after him and then kinda bring it back down at the end of the night. It’s just fun to mix it up. A lot of bands don’t have that, or aren’t afforded that opportunity. And the coolest thing is that we in the band all have our own taste in music, although we all appreciate a lot of different shit. For some reason, with the True Widow project, we’ve all been able to play with bands that we’ve admired in the past of all different sounds. Every night, at least one of us is stoked on who we’re playing with.
Have you gotten really good at nodding along to people trying to explain your music to you?
Ha ha—yeah, I’m pretty much to that point now. It didn’t get like that on the first record, but there wasn’t nearly the attention. Honestly, certain stories get run and re-run and … yeah, so… you just get to that point. But it is cool to listen to people just take the time to vocalize their thoughts. Some people will surprise you—you might get turned on to a new band. I’ve listened to so many bands now because people thought we sounded like them. Bands that I’d heard of but never listened to, so we’ve actually found some cool music that way. It has gotten a little weary, just because it seems like there are lot of people that are adamant in their opinions on True Widow. If they don’t like it, it’s the worst thing ever. If they do like it, its because it reminds them of a mashup of these two favorite things or whatever.
It’s like a Rorschach test.
Yeah—looking back at yourself.
Or an exercise in poetically describing a sound.
Yeah—the gauge of the strings and the hotness of everything. There’s definitely been some of that surrounding us. It’s fun to see where people go with that. Most of the stuff is detuned to some degree, so its pretty loose and sludgy sounding. Live it’s even more so than the record. There’s no filters there—it’s just raw. But none of us take it that seriously. When we see people getting amped up about little things like you’re talking about its like, ‘Really? I turned a knob on a string. That’s all I did.’ But that person had a deep connection with the music that allowed their mind to wander and go to deep places. On that level, I think its pretty cool when people start to rant about little things. It’s like ‘Wow.’ Part of me thinks you gotta have something better to do but part of me is like it must’ve really struck a chord. There’s been a lot of questions about tuning. A lot of questions about the song ‘Skull Eyes.’ The beginning of ‘Skull Eyes’ is actually a guitar. Everybody just assumes it’s a bass when they review the song just because it’s so heavy. Then when they find out its not a bass but a guitar they really freak out. Especially if they were already interested in the specifics of all that, then they really go apeshit. Its weird—it’s not like we’re in some mad scientist’s lab creating this shit. It’s way more haphazard. Get ripped and see what we can put together that might not or shouldn’t go together, and then if it works try and do something with it. We let shit fall where it does. Then after the fact you get all these inquiries: ‘What were you doing to make this sound?’ I don’t know, man, it’s the only pedal we had! We only had one cord, so we couldn’t plug anything else in! No grand plan there!
Speaking of grandeur, you came up with possibly the most epic title for an album… ever.
Yeah, it’s pretty beastly. We all have a light side and a serious side. That album title resonated for all of us on both levels. Part of it was there was a genuine interest in what that title means and how it works toward what we were trying to do with this record. Aside from that, it’s just been a blast seeing how people respond to it. All the press shit having to type it out over and over, its almost become comical.
Is this another example of you guys going with your instinct and getting a really unexpected response?
People can research it and find out what it means or just take it for what it is. A lot of people think its just another inside joke, which we do have a few of, but that’s our style. It’s cool, it has meaning, and it makes us laugh. I don’t think we’re going to win any awards for longest album title, though.
You’re gonna be playing with Red Sparowes—I think they’ve got you beat on length.
That lineup is killer! We’ve got friends in Night Horse. We’re looking forward to partying with them. California’s been really tough to get to, which is why we were glad when this show came around. We’ve got a lot of friends out there through the band so we were just happy to get a chance to come out and see everybody even though we weren’t going to be doing a bunch of shows. It’s looking like we’re gonna be pretty busy for the next year. And where we’re at with the band, we really just want to get it out in front of people, you know? That’s making itself a reality, so we’re just gonna roll with that and see what happens.

L.A. RECORD PRESENTS TRUE WIDOW WITH RED SPAROWES, NIGHT HORSE, RADIO MOSCOW, THE FUCKING WRATH, IDES OF GEMINI AND SPECIAL GUESTS ON SAT., JULY 2, AT NOMAD GALLERY, 1993 BLAKE AVE., LOS ANGELES. 2 PM / $10. TEEPEERECORDS.COM. WIN TICKETS AND A SPECIAL TEE PEE VINYL PACK HERE OR BUY TICKETS HERE.

Download: Cerebral Ballzy “Insufficient Fare”

Brooklyn band Cerebral Ballzy play completely wrecked hardcore and destroyed our Valentine’s Day show in February. They will also destroy the Echo tomorrow. Singer Honor Titus speaks now on puke, cops, jail, jazz, yuppies and Cyndi Lauper. This interview by Chris Ziegler.

When you did the ‘Puke Song,’ you actually recorded a live puke. What is the best way to capture a puke in hi-fidelity?
Honor Titus (vocals): It was actually really fuckin’ funny, man. I tried to shotgun four beers in a row to puke on cue, I guess, and I totally missed the fuckin’ toilet and puked on the mic. We had to hide it from Joby from the Bronx—‘Ah, it’s all chill, dude.’ As I’m wiping down this mic all frantically. ‘Man, I hope he doesn’t see this!’
Does he know that happened?
I think he’ll find out in L.A. RECORD.
What else have you destroyed with the power of bodily functions?
The first time we were in London—last summer—shit was just stupid, man. It was just disgusting. I puked on a kid at a gig! Like on stage.
Was he into it?
I … don’t think so. He got pushed into the pit and … went away.
Like a washing machine? Was he cleaned by the rotational action of the circle pit?
That’s some vile shit!
Did you ever try the forbidden English drink called ‘the Snakebite’?
Abe took seven of ‘em in one night when we first got to London and supposedly … the story goes he was with some chick, and some dudes called the chick he was with a slut, and then the dude slapped Abe! And Abe totally whupped some dudes ass on seven snakebites. It was the first three days in London. And he almost got arrested because of CCTV. They show up within minutes! Big Brother’s watching, man. It’d be a good statistic on how many cameras are in London. I’m sure across England there’s millions. We’d be ducking into corners to do drugs and shit on the street.
Did you crawl into any dumpsters?
Exactly—that status. Find a weird nook and pull some dude’s apartment door and sneak into his corridor.
Didn’t someone get arrested in England?
Mason did. He got off cuz the kid pushed him first. I don’t know. Dude tried to step to Mason and our tour manager cracked the kid with a bottle. And they went to jail for the night, and Mason wouldn’t shut the fuck up about how England has the best fucking prison treatment in the world. Like you press a button and they bring you a cup of tea! And he woke up and had a better breakfast than we all had that fucking morning—a full English breakfast! I’d beg to go to jail in England. Sounds like the fuckin’ Days Inn.
Have you ever met any of those cops that used to be into punk and are totally stoked to talk about punk while they’re busting you?
There’s a ton of ‘em in New York. ‘Oh, man, fuckin’ Cro-Mags—fuckin’ Cro-Mags. I saw you pissin’ but Cro-Mags!’
Has that actually gotten you off of getting busted?
Yeah—it’s kinda obvious, man. We look like a fuckin’ crew of freaks at this point. Dudes are like, ‘Well, you’re obviously into something else … but Cro-Mags, bro! Cro-Mags!’
Does that work outside of New York City?
No. N-O no!
Do you ever do what Black Flag used to do and tell the cops you’re in a jazz band?
Totally. When we first started the band, we were CBC—Cerebral Ballzy Crew. So we go through mad checkpoints: ‘Oh, you’re a band?’ ‘Yeah, CBC!’ ‘What does that mean?’ ‘City Boys for Christ, man!’
Are there any Cerebral Ballzy fans that terrify you?
Dude, there’s a few. Shit is gnarly. There’s one chick named … like Trashlee or something, something gnar. She has like tie-dye hair. But she’s kinda cute. And also … Trash Talk is the only other band I’ve seen get this. Dudes can’t contain themselves around us. It’s kind of gnarly. Dudes are just super-stoked. Like dudes in London say, ‘I’m not gay, mate, but you’re the only dude I’d fuck!’ Like … what the fuck are you talking about, dude?
Are you gonna do a solo pop album like Stiv Bators? That would really make people fall in love with you.
I’m working on it! How do you know? I’ve got a Stiv Bators tattoo, man.
Who’s in your tattoo roll call? Zombies, Beach Boys …
I got Ozzy Osbourne in a poncho playing guitar.
No slice of pizza tattoo?
I narrowly avoided the pizza tattoo, thank God. You know … food tattoos. ‘You dig food, man. Cool.’ It’s kinda suspect. ‘You really like soup, huh?’
That’d be great. A bowl and a spoon with little steam lines.
Add mashed potatoes and I’d fucking love it. I almost got ‘Time After Time’—the Cyndi Lauper song. She rules. She’s super-down. I’ve heard her weird demos. That shit’s rad. I’d bone Cyndi, dude. Put it out there. Is her hair still purple?
She has this platinum angel thing now.
I’d marry her and change my name to Lauper. I’d be Honor Lauper. That’s sick.
When is the record coming out?
July 25. We’re releasing it on Adult Swim in the States. Raymond Pettibon did the art. Shit’s gonna be nuts.
You gonna guest-spot on ‘Superjail’?
They’re gonna guest spot on Ballzy, man.
What would your opening cartoon credits be?
It’d be a no-comply on to a fuckin’ … deep thin-crust then a backflip on to a chick’s tits.
Do you really think aliens are taking over the Brooklyn Navy Yards?
I think so. An indigenous tribe called ‘the yuppies.’
You should check out the documentary They Live.
One thing you should check out … no, one thing you should NEVER check out … is 1992 to 1994 pop-punk bands.
Didn’t you play the Warped Tour with all those bands?
I love Vans and I love sixteen-year-old girls so we agreed to the terms. We didn’t read the fine print. And it’s OK. We made it. The awesomest band on the Warped Tour besides Cerebral Ballzy was the Casualties. And Keith Morris is a fucking god among men. I fucking love that dude.
How long would it take you to grow hair like Keith Morris?
Not til after I see ‘They Live.’ Maybe I’m the yuppie!

L.A. RECORD PRESENTS CEREBRAL BALLZY WITH BASTARD AND RUPTURES ON TUE., JUNE 7, AT THE ECHO, 1822 SUNSET BLVD., ECHO PARK. 7 PM / $8 / ALL AGES. ATTHEECHO.COM. VISIT CEREBRAL BALLZY AT CEREBRALBALLZY.COM.

Dream come true news of the week: Cha Cha Lounge will be celebrating the launch of shop.chachalounge.com (and Suspect zine!) with a live silkscreening party on Tuesday, Sept. 21, and for one night only you’ll be able to get L.A. RECORD pint glasses! Come by and either buy one of several custom new shirts or bring your own shirts-or hoodies or tableclothes or wedding dresses or anything!-and get them screened while-u-drink! And yes, that is the eagle from the city seal eating a street dog while hanging out on a boom box above the lizard people who live underneath the downtown library.