themegoman

Download: Hunx and His Punx “Lovers Lane”

(from Too Young To Be In Love out now on Hardly Art)

Hunx blew out of the desert right into the hearts of millions of teenagers everywhere, hyphenating years of admirably trashy Rip Off-style rock ‘n’ roll with his world-famous stint as one of the four heads of Gravy Train!!!! His new record on Hardly Art is all Kim Fowley-cum-Phil Spector teenage tragedy rock and it sounds like Kenneth Anger’s Kustom Kar Kommandos looks. He speaks now while naked on Valentine’s Day. This interview by Chris Ziegler.

Where did you get the world’s tiniest leather-daddy jacket?
There’s this store down the street from my store called the Antique Center—it’s owned by this crazy man whose father owned the junk store and he died, and he grew up there and it’s his life. I go there sometimes on break or when I’m bored, and I just saw it like, ‘Oh my God, I need that.’ His mom just gave it to me! I priced it at $50 because I feel anyone who wants to spend $50 on that is a really cool person and deserves it more than I do. But it wouldn’t even fit on a dick. Maybe a baby dick. Like a small … man’s penis.
Like midget size?
Midgets could have a big one. You never know.
What animal print best shows off your manhood?
Leopard print! I’m over zebra. I’ve done all the animal prints. I think I’m one of the only men who wears animal print. It’s a girl thing. I like getting it at thrift stores. I wore my Frederick’s of Hollywood one-piece underwear set all the time until someone stole it in Paris, and I just bought this silky men’s underwear at a thrift store the other day and I was wondering—is it gross to buy underwear from a thrift store? But I always do it. I usually wash ’em. I don’t wanna have scabies again. If you wash stuff, it’s OK. I had scabies for six months but I don’t know where it came from. I had to do this toxic treatment like nine times. It can cause brain damage.
What’s the most pleasurable way you ever damaged your brain?
Probably huffing Lysol. I think I wanted something else, but that’s all I had. That was just like … being a crazy teen. I’ve just done spray paint, Lysol, whippits and that spray cleaner stuff—that’s the best! The lens cleaner’s what got me started. I don’t do it anymore, but every time I see a duster I kinda wanna huff it. It’s probably how an alcoholic feels when they see a bottle of whiskey.
What’s your best broken addiction?
Shopping? That’s up there. Doing pills and shopping at the same time. I’d take a bunch of painkillers and go to the drug store and walk around for hours and spend like $100 on stuff I didn’t need.
What’s the best present your high self ever got your sober self?
A tiger statue. I was like, ‘What the fuck is this?’ If you have money to spend, it’s better to go shopping when you’re high, but if you’re poor it’s not a good idea.
Are you at your sexual peak now?
I’m on my third sexual peak.
What’s a sexual valley like?
That’s me being a weird celibate person for months on end. Then I think sex is disgusting. I had it in December and was like, ‘I’m never gonna have sex again!’ and I was totally grossed out by it. Then in January I had sex with like eight people.
Who broke the sex ban?
This footslave guy. He rubbed my feet for like an hour. He’s my only footslave but I think they usually go for a long time. It was a dream situation. The first time was in my bedroom but then I started going to his house because he had a flat screen TV. I’d make him do my laundry and stuff and watch something really stupid like ‘Desperate Housewives’ or ‘American Idol.’
Mozart had a song called ‘Lick My Ass.’ Are you as dirty as Mozart?
No, he didn’t! It’s called ‘Lick My Ass’? He wanted his ass to get licked?
He also was into people shitting in his bed.
Wow—that’s cool. I’m not into shitting. I wrote this song called ‘I Vant to Suck Your Cock’ and the other side is gonna be called ‘Monster Mouth.’ So take that, Mozart!
What is the fastest way to your heart?
Candy. A lot.
How much would it take to purchase you?
They gotta look cute, too. But I like sour candy.
If you had to die at the climax of a party you had organized, how and when would you want to go?
I always thought it’d be cool if my best friend kinda … killed me out of nowhere. Like I didn’t even know there was drama and they reached over and stabbed me. To death. It just seems like a surprise.
You’re so cheerful—you like candy and surprises!
I just think it sounds cool. I don’t wanna think about dying a slow painful death or killing myself, so it’d be cool if my friend just reached over and killed me.
Where if anywhere would you be uncomfortable showing your dick?
Anywhere my mom is, even though she’s already seen it—internet lurker! She was like, ‘Are you a porn star?’ I just told her it was for art. And that I couldn’t control it being on the internet and she got over it. I didn’t think she’d actually really care, but she kind of did. I had to like really keep my Facebook on lockdown cuz I have 2,000 friends and most of ’em are people I don’t know, so once in a while someone would tag a naked photo of me and I’d have to rush to a computer to untag it in hopes that my mom wouldn’t see it. But I just saw her and she told me she’s over Facebook, so I’m relieved.
Can we expect an explosion of naked photos now?
Now it’s on—tag away, people. I actually used to have this strange obsession of taking naked pictures of myself. This is before cell phones. I had this camera with this really shitty remote and I would set up scenes of me with like giant stuffed animals, and I’d get a boner and take a million photos and I made this little binder of them.
You and Shannon wrote the new album, but do you miss just having songs delivered to you by people who are all begging to write for you?
I really do like it in a way. It’s a cool thing people don’t do anymore unless they’re huge stars. Like teen stars or pop stars. I’m really into it, actually. I’m still kind of doing that here and there—with Fred Schneider. I didn’t even get a lot of grief for it. I just recorded another album alone and played all the instruments, and I feel like people are like, ‘Whoa—you can play guitar? And drums?’ I feel like they don’t realize that about me. I think it’s slightly like a gay guy thing. As in how guys kind of back in the day … I don’t know if it’s like that anymore, but you know how people were like, ‘Oh, girls can’t do things.’ Like, ‘He can’t play! He just dresses crazy and acts nuts.’ But I can do it!
What else are you great at?
Being funny. I like comedy but I feel like everyone I know who’s a stand-up comedian can’t carry a normal conversation. They’re just always practicing. Like trying out their routine while I’m trying to tell them something important, and they’re like on stage. I don’t wanna be like that. Sometimes on stage I can’t stop talking.
I heard you were rolling on the ground begging people to piss on you.
That is most likely a true story. The worst is if I get really high before a show, cuz then I was like lying on the ground begging my band to slow down. My friend was like, ‘I went to your show and I couldn’t see you the whole time cuz you were lying on the ground.’
Why don’t you travel with like a nice lawn chair to lounge on?
Good idea alert!
Or a piano you could roll around on?
Oh my god—that’d be like when I’m older.
How will you re-invent yourself after rock ‘n’ roll?
I don’t really think about when I’m older. I’m just gonna stay young.
Can we take a moment to acknowledge Michelle Santamaria who is now playing in your band? Michelle, who L.A. loved in the Pinkz and Bitchschool and Loli & the Chones?
Isn’t Michelle so great? Her guitar playing kills me. It made me cry. When we were recording, some of the songs were really sad. I don’t know what happened. I just got really into singing about sad stuff. I’m not trying to make people cry, but I don’t know. After so long, you wanna sing about something kind of serious.
‘Blow Me Away’ is about your father’s suicide, isn’t it?
Yeah, that’s about my dad. I feel like if you love someone and they die, the nicest thing you can do is write a song for them. Just to help me get over something—or I don’t know. It just feels really respectful.
Is it true you wake up in the middle of the night and do demos of sad songs you don’t remember in the morning?
Yes—that’s what I recorded an album of. One’s called ‘Say Goodbye Before You Leave.’ It’s about Jay Reatard. I was so bummed. Another is ‘When You’re Gone.’ They’re just stuff like that. Well, just a couple are really sad. A lot are just really pop. This solo thing might be all sad songs.
Did you ever think of doing like the plaster-caster thing and selling collectible Hunx dildos?
I really wanted to sell whips! When we were on tour with Jay and Nobunny, Nobunny had this little whip and I stole it and I’d whip everybody. I woke up one day with a whip in my handbag like, ‘What happened last night?’ Actually, I’m really tame in my life now unless I’m on tour.
What’s the scariest state?
I almost got murdered for being gay at a Dairy Queen in the middle of Texas. Somewhere between Denton and Austin. We just got in the van and sped away and then Brontes got a blow-job at the next truck stop. But me and Heather wouldn’t even get out of the van! That definitely put everyone’s spirits back in check. We were on tour with our friends V.I.P.—an all-gay rap group, and our roadie would wear like onesies, and everywhere we went V.I.P. would put on a show and start singing and dancing. … It was actually two fathers and two sons, the people who wanted to beat us up.
A father-son attack team?
A double father-son attack team!
Two generations of assholes!
It was crazy! And Brontes and Bear from V.I.P. are all Southern and they want to fight back, so they start talking all this shit to them. I high-tailed it out of there! I’m not into violence at all. It freaks me out. You don’t know if they have guns.
What’s the opposite of this? The most romantic experience in Texas?
What happened at the next truck stop. I don’t know if it’s really that romantic. Walking through the soda aisle and some trucker grabs your butt—it’s kind of sexy.
Have you ever picked someone up that quickly and confidently?
It probably didn’t work out for me. I kind of wait to be preyed on. I like to lure ’em in.
Do you have Hunx groupies? Now that you were in Italian Vogue?
I don’t know if I’d call them groupies. Sometimes there’s a couple gay guys like lingering around. But not always. I’ve seen two give each other the eye—like, ‘Back off!’ I love it. ‘Guys, please! There’s only one of me!’ Actually I like to leave and give them nothing. Believe it or not, I’m kind of picky.

L.A. RECORD PRESENTS HUNX AND HIS PUNX WITH BLEACHED PLUS LIVE MEXICAN WRESTLING ON SAT., JUNE 18, AT NOMAD GALLERY, 1993 BLAKE AVE., FROGTOWN. 7 PM / $10 / 18+. GET TICKETS HERE! (NOTE: SHOW HAS BEEN MOVED FROM SHOW CAVE!) HUNX AND HIS PUNX’ TOO YOUNG TO BE IN LOVE IS OUT NOW ON HARDLY ART. VISIT HUNX AND HIS PUNX AT MYSPACE.COM/HUNXSOLO.