Big Business sound like if a riff and a hook had a baby on acid, or possibly if Blue Cheer’s ”Magnolia Caboose Babyfinger” came with very exciting vocals and didn’t need a guitar player anymore. They moved to LA last week and are already practicing as the newest members of the Melvins. Drummer Coady Willis lent bassist Jared Warren his cell phone to speak between drinks at the Cha Cha.

What does heavy mean to you?
In terms of music?
Open-ended essay question.
I’ll stick to music. I was just reading an interview with someone the other day–a Sunn 0))) interview. And Stephen O’Malley had a quote: heaviness doesn’t necessarily mean loud guitars. It’s density, feeling, attitude. Like Johnny Cash is totally heavy. And I agree with that. But you definitely have to have some bass in there. Some of the Melvins songs that are really heavy aren’t necessarily the loudest songs. It’s hard to put into words. I think Creedence is a really heavy band. No thundering guitars or anything but there’s a tightness–I don’t know. Impossible to put into words.
How would you assess your own individual capacity for heaviness?
My heaviness comes directly from bands like the Melvins, Thrones, Earth, as well as Johnny Cash, Creedence, whatever. Personally I prefer it nice and loud. I really like drums and I really like bass, so it falls together.
Do you like drum ‘n’ bass?
Not so much. But hip-hop–anything with a good beat. Anything that makes me feel like I have to pee, even if I don’t have to pee. That’s definitely the brown note. Or the yellow note.
What was the most convoluted simile ever used to describe your band?
Oh Jesus, they’re always so average and dumb! ‘If so-and-so had a baby…’ Two bands, always having a baby! ‘And if they fed it acid…’ Every band I’ve ever been in: there was acid involved and someone having a baby. It’s ridiculous. People who review records–it’s such a lazy man’s job. When I envision somebody reviewing records, it’s like… somebody sitting in front of the computer, putting the CD in, kind of checking their email and talking on the phone–dollars to donuts most reviewers don’t listen to more than two or three songs. So lazy: ‘I’m a rock reviewer!’ No, you have an opinion, and that’s not the same thing.
Can you remember the last good piece of music writing you read?
No, I can’t. I don’t generally read that stuff, unless it’s a band I’m interested in, and then it’s inevitably ‘so-and-so and so-and-so had a baby.’ Even when it’s a band I love, they always fuck it up. Even if they’re reviewing it in a positive way-they still fuck it up.
I know musicians who have admired your playing all the way back to Karp because they say you actually write pop songs.
I totally have lots of pop influences–honestly, I don’t listen to a lot of heavy music. I like hooks. I have a friend of mine who is a writer for stonerrock.com who wrote a thing on a messageboard saying ‘I think Big Business is a pop band.’ And somebody wrote back: ‘Oh, that’s ridiculous! They’re a metal band!’ And he said, ‘Well, I’m walking down the street, I got the chorus in my head and I’m snappin’ my fingers, therefore they’re pop!’ And yeah–that’s perfect. Pop isn’t exclusive to jingle-jangle guitars.
What’s an example of a pop band like that?
There was a great band from Florida called Floor, and the guitarist/singer of that band Steve is in a new band called Torch. And they’re fantastic–one of the heaviest bands with the best pop hooks I’ve heard in my life. One thing that bums me out about a lot of metal music is the cookie-monster vocals. I’m so bored of that. Your voice is an instrument and you should use it. Early Metallica is a pretty good example-where Hetfield really uses his voice in a way that’s totally effective.
What is the secret key to creating effective heavy music?
Gee, I dunno.
Trade secret?
Yeah, so I can’t tell you. Definitely a good rhythm section is really important–a really really good drummer is important. I think if you have a great drummer, your guitarist and bassist and singer can fuck up a lot and people will still watch your band to feel, like, a rad beat. The drummer is definitely the anchor of any band-you don’t have to be great, but you have to be appropriate to what you’re doing. Moe Tucker wasn’t the best drummer in the world, but for what they were doing, she was perfect. I’ve been really fortunate–I never really played with a crappy drummer.
Very few humans can say that.
I don’t take it for granted, believe me. And chemistry in general is important. You can have a supergroup with, like, Yngwie Malmsteen and John Bonham on drums or whatever, but if they can’t get along, it’ll never be good.
The story of Guns ‘n’ Roses.
If you can’t stay in the van for more than five minutes, it’s just not worth your time. I’ve never been in a band with people I didn’t get along with.
So your band is built on civility and politeness.
We’re leaving a trail of manners in our wake.